Thursday, March 31, 2011
The Tiger: How To Sell In A Double Digit Recession
Legalized gambling proponent and chicken farmer entrepreneur Richard Head was interviewed recently about the impending economic downfall that could trigger a massive global free fall. Richard theorizes that the "green" movement might be the only saving grace in these traumatic financial times.
Dr. Floyd: So, how do we extricate ourselves from the current financial mess?
Richard Head: Sell! Sell! Sell!
Dr. Floyd: What if nobody is buying?
Richard Head: Train! Train! Train!
Dr. Floyd: But what if you cannot train employees since you no longer have any employees due to not selling in the first place?
Richard Head: Aggressively pursue underserved customers. Visit them everyday until they buy something. Wait outside of their door before they open shop, preferably where there is shade.
Dr. Floyd: That sounds a bit dramatic.
Richard Head: These are dramatic times. You have to grab your customer and shake them! Shake them real good! Don't hide from your customers. Follow them. To their homes, to the gym, church, whatever.
Dr. Floyd: That borders on stalking. Are you really suggesting that sales people intrude into the personal lives of their customers?
Richard Head: Yes! Never hide from your customers. Your customer must know that you exist. If you exist they will buy. When they buy you can invest the profits into ventures with the highest return.
Dr. Floyd: What stocks and bonds do you recommend purchasing?
Richard Head: I don't know. I've never bought a stock or bond. I purchased raffle tickets at a Little League baseball game once but got screwed.
Dr. Floyd: How is the economy affecting the chicken manure business?
Richard Head: It's a very crappy market.
Dr. Floyd: What are your thoughts on emerging markets for sustainable energy such as solar and wind?
Richard Head: It's really a travesty.
Dr. Floyd: What do you mean?
Richard Head: I've got tons and tons of chicken poo to power a small city and all anyone talks about is them whirly birds.
Dr. Floyd: Why don't you install some wind turbines on your farm?
Richard Head: It might screw up my TV reception. I got enough problems with the UFOs.
Dr. Floyd: Any last words for aspiring entrepreneurs?
Richard Head: Everyone is a possible customer.
Dr. Floyd: Thank you for your time and good luck with your lobotomy procedure tomorrow.